Everyone needs to stop talking about what they’ve given up for Lent

We live in a society where the shapes of bananas are regulated, where smoking has become increasingly difficult, where drugs are banned, booze is taxed and “5 a day” adverts pollute the land.

Now, on top of all that, people expect you to give up one thing you like for 40 days in the name of Lent. This weird obsession encapsulates everything wrong with society as it turns a religious practice into a boringly restrictive, health-obsessed marathon of secular self-indulgence.

If you don’t go to church regularly or send off the occasional prayer to the big man and you’re still currently in the middle of a temporary period without chocolate/cigarettes/sex etc, congratulations for making Lent entirely about you and your desire to convince others you’re an amazingly strong, moral person.

Why give up on this? Idiots.

Let’s suppose I give up cigarettes. I’m addicted to nicotine so all that will happen is I spend the 40 days complaining to absolutely everyone.

When not complaining, I’d merely be an arrogant fool, marching about the place proclaiming how brilliant I was for willingly putting myself through such torture. I would tell everyone I know about it and expect them to say to me “oh poor you” or “that’s really impressive, Ed”. It’s an exercise in ego massaging.

This journalist won’t give up nicotine

Or I lose all resolve after a few days and lock myself away to smoke until my entire room resembles a Victorian coal mine. Because if you’re just doing Lent to try and be cool, rather than because you believe in the Bronze Age cult that is Christianity, you’re probably not going to be bothered about taking it seriously.

Practically everyone who decides to try Lent as if it’s some new diet fad gives up within a couple of days. A lot of the time they’ll try to hide it though and keep their vow-breaking to a midnight beer, cigarette or chocolate bar when nobody else is there to judge them.

Worse still are the people who make up “special rules” designed to make their Lent less gruelling. You’ll hear them say “I’m allowed to drink at a 21st” or “I can have a kebab when I’m really pissed”.

This is probably the worst part about people trying Lent on a whim. It turns them into liars, failures and cheats, rather than the better person they’re hoping to become.

In the end, we’re students. Our relaxed, booze-infused existences will come to an end within three years. After that, we’ll be confined to a social scrapheap of grad schemes, dead-end jobs and ring-road supermarkets.

If you haven’t got a genuinely good reason to take part in Lent (like, you know, being religious) why not take it easy while you can, before you’re dragged into the evidently colourful, exciting world of accountancy, or some new “creative industry”?

If you must still go ahead with your self-obsessed fast, at least do the rest of us a favour and stop trying to impress us with how restrained you are. We don’t care.