The best places to eat lunch on campus

When you’re halfway through a philosophy essay or a series of mind-numbing engineering lectures, there’s nothing more invigorating than the prospect of food. But where’s the best place to quench this constant urge?

To find out, we went to every popular food joint on campus, testing out everything from sunny smiles to the positioning of the flipping seats.

Parsons Cafe (5/5)

Coming in first place is Parsons Cafe on St. Michael’s Hill. It’s cheap, the deals are great and the design isn’t too shabby either. Parsons stands out from the other cafes on St. Michael’s Hill for its cheap lunch options, knowledgeable staff (who had a string of questions for me after I just ordered a mocha) and cosy atmosphere. Plus all coffee is £1 to take out. Trust us, it’s great.

It’s just wonderful

The Refectory (4/5)

Never too busy and always well-staffed, this little hideaway cafe under the Hawthorns has earned a special place in my heart and my stomach. The Refectory serves both hot and cold meals and at good prices, making it a wise option for students. Combine this with the almost certain guarantee of seating and you’re onto a winner.

However, the only downside is the Whitney Houston which is perpetually blasting over the speakers via Heart Radio. If this was a little quieter, I may even consider this my first choice location for all systematic procrastinating.

Please, no more Whitney

Sainsbury’s (4/5)

The Sainsbury’s meal deal is not only cheap but also has a wide variety of food to choose from. The meal deal is classic, affordable and a sure-fire way to satisfy the whale in your stomach which decided to express itself during your physics tutorial. That is, if you’re willing to queue for ten minutes and face some infuriating self checkouts.

Also, it takes a stroll down to the Triangle to get there, and a climb to rival Everest on the way back up (thanks to Bristol’s stupid geography) – so go to Sainsbury’s at your own peril.

This range of options is too good

The ASS library (3/5)

At face value, the Source cafe seems like a great lunch spot. It’s certainly convenient, and a favourite social hub of procrastinating Bristol students. However, this is what makes it a somewhat questionable gastronomical experience. Being perpetually busy loses the ASS some much coveted points straight away as it’s pretty difficult to get a seat, plus the card machine takes an age to accept my payment for a “Curry in a Hurry”, which is actually a wrap (who knew?)

Which leads me nicely onto my next point: the ASS library’s adoption of the “urban eat” range for lunch leaves us spending way too much. However, what this place lacks in variety it more than makes up for with its unique staff, charming enough to make the painfully long £3.60 card transaction for an “East Feast” all the less awkward.

They didn’t want their pictures taken

Subway (2/5)

As a weekly treat, Subway’s wonderful, but who genuinely wants to pay £6 for a bit of cold pastrami on a line of dough? Certainly not me. Plus that walk back up to uni? No thank you.

Urgh

The Merchant Venture’s cafe (0/5)

So apparently this is a place which actually exists, and all the engineers flock to this cafe so they can hide away from the outside world. To them, maybe it’s a haven, but the rest of us should avoid like the plague.

Jasper and his two phones, classic engineer

Everything else on St. Michael’s Hill (0/5)

It’s not worth it. Parsons is a lot better.

Honourable mention: The red tent

What is this place?

This deserves a mention, but what exactly is it? One minute they’re serving appetising cheddar and tomato sandwiches, the next it’s rocky road. Perhaps the appeal comes from its diverse nature. If you’re going to eat there you’re either going to be lectured about God by those guys with the massive crucifixes or be told “you look like a paintballer” more times than you’re comfortable with. I’m not sure which is worse.