I’m tearing up the rulebook: Bristol is better than Oxbridge

As soon as my sister got into Cambridge I kept being bombarded with the same question; are you going too?  No thanks.  My first choice was Bristol, and I’ve loved every minute here. The fact is, Bristol could take Oxbridge in a fight any day.

Oxbridge students have notoriously short terms with a manic workload.  As a result the students are mollycoddled beyond belief.  Each college is basically a big boarding school where you can drink port without getting told off.  Most students don’t leave the bosom of their college until absolutely necessary, living in halls with laundry service and a top notch canteen for the duration of their degree.  After all, Britain’s biggest brains simply don’t have time to wash their own knickers and boil up some pasta like the rest of us.

You might think this sounds heavenly, but I ask you, isn’t it better to be getting some real world experience? Bristolians might be pampered a little in first year, but after that we’re thrust into the damp, cold reality of our first shared houses and flats. It’s a bonding experience. It’s part of growing up. You might have a top notch degree from Oxford, but if you’ve never changed a light bulb or laid out a mouse trap then have you really lived? I doubt it.

Because the boffins are too busy swotting to party, the nightlife in Oxford and Cambridge is atrocious.  Cambridge has approximately three clubs to choose from, each more naff than the last. To give you Bristolians some perspective, the most promising night out is at Revs, followed by Lola Lo’s.  Cambridge can’t beat Bristol for iconic clubs.  Lounge, Bunker, Motion, Lakota, Thekla: love them or hate them, in Bristol you’re spoilt for choice and there’s a night for everyone.

Don’t just take my word for it.  Last year Bristol was crowned the best place to live in Britain, and it’s no wonder.  Low unemployment rates, great nightlife, decent schools and universities, culture for days.  We’re also the 2015 European Green Capital and we even have the UK’s first bus powered by poo.  Take that, Oxbridge.

If that’s not enough, guess who took spots four and five on a list of the country’s top ten most expensive universities? You guessed it.  Yes, you have a degree from Oxbridge but you’ve also been robbed blind. Bristol is by no means cheap, but it’s way more accessible.  You could pay close to £100 pounds for a ticket to a Cambridge ball, which in all honesty is a fantastic event.  But only in Bristol can you pay a fiver for a ball with all the wine you can handle.

In Bristol you’re a queen

Not to mention, you can’t leave your stuff in your room over the holidays. The colleges get rented out so every Christmas, Easter and summer you have to strip your room of all its belongings, causing misery and resentment to the family members who have to help you lift your trunk down from the sixth floor turret in which you live.

We also know Oxbridge is the home of elitism, a breeding ground of wanker politicians everywhere.  A Bullingdon club could never exist in Bristol, and if it did it would be mocked mercilessly.

We’re all just uni students, trying to get by, drinking too much and working for our degrees.  So why do we still put Oxbridge on a pedestal when you can have a brilliant time and get a decent degree from anywhere else? If you tried to get in and failed, I’m sure you’ve realised by now that Bristol is in fact superior. Vim promovet insitam.