We tried out all the weird Christmas flavoured crisps

This is the true story of Crispmas.

Gettin’ the party started

Have you ever wished your Chrimbo dinner was a bit crispier? Everyone knows the nibbles are a highlight of any decent holiday party so why not extend the nibbly vibe and have your Christmas meal on a budget? I mean, who has the dollah to fork out for an actual turkey anymore?  We tested this season’s most festive crisps for your wallet-friendly replacement meal.

Prosecco and Winter Berries

Each crisp comes with free nail art

Instant reactions

“It’s like a mixed berry Strongbow. There’s definitely an aroma of prosecco – it’s got such a nice fizz.”

“They’re like something Kim and Kanye might put in North’s lunchbox. They have sassy gold stars and they’re wearing blusher screaming, ‘ooh look at me , look at me, I’m a crisp’ – no one cares.”

Verdict

Your nan will love these.  Also good for freshening breath after meatier crisps.

Turkey and stuffing

The first of the Tesco treats definitely disappointed, all stuffing and no bird.  Optimistically, we judge these to be a glorified Christmas Walkers, a misguided attempt at festivity.  With the backnotes of onion gravy you won’t want to kiss anyone under the mistletoe after a few of these bad boys.

Instant reaction

“It tastes like dirt.  Like an earthy potato smell.  Holy shit.”

Verdict

Best for those with impaired taste buds, or maybe your weird uncle.

White stilton and cranberry

Stilton isn’t for everyone, and we were pretty dubious about this particular crisp.  To Frankie’s slightly pleasant surprise it’s creamy, and quite gentle, but with a distinct lack of cranberry.  Ben vehemently disagreed though.

Instant reaction

“I think it’s like licking quaver dust from between Santa’s toes.”

Verdict

Good for passively-aggressively serving to your snobby neighbours.

Pigs in blankets

Ben found these Tesco crisps distinctly cheesy, which is baffling.  The packet referred to “juicy” cocktail sausages.  How was the juiciness ever supposed to be translated to a slice of fried potato? This was a well-intentioned crisp which might have slightly lost its way, but it’s edible and “porky”.  Also props to Tesco for the generous crisp size, though it’s hard to eat them like a lady.

Verdict

These are for the kids table, but you’ll sneak a couple here and there.

Beef, red wine and shallot

We’ve even thought of your boxing day stew. These were alright, dark and savoury.  They even have actual extracts of red wine, so maybe ease off the Kettles if you’re driving.  The beef crisps are largely the favourite, delivering on the flavour without stinking us out for the night.

Verdict

These are crisps for the MEN none of this glitter nonsense these crisps are adorned with BEEF DUST they’re just so MACHO.