Why I love freshers

Franz Kafka, not to be confused with Wiz Kafka, once said that ‘Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty.’

And I think we can all agree, that is a smart thing to say.

Ahhh university – the self-proclaimed ‘centre of wavey fun and frivolity.’ For all you newcomers, the good news is that you have made it! You are at university, the long haul of school is over and the slow jog towards responsibility has begun.

Freshers is a unique period in the natural world. It is our leaving of the metaphorical nest, the next big step, the great leap, the long lunge, the large jump, the big charge, the mighty change, and other expressions.

But what of the rest of the university, you youngsters may wonder? How does the rest of the world see me? Well I’m here to gently guide and caress your hand and hope to show you why we all love freshers.

Youth has abandoned the rest of us, we are in the purgatorial stage of adulthood, left pondering life and careers while these new freshers are a beacon of hope and innocence of the tomorrow to come.

But ive got off track, so here are the reasons freshers are great, because why the f*ck not.

Their happy smiling faces

As King Arthur once said, ‘don’t go to Bristol, tis a silly place’, and if you didn’t get that joke them I’m either too old or what is wrong with you?

Despite the fact this quote is irrelevant and adds nothing to my argument, I try to sneak it past the editor and into every article I write.

But in a way Arthur had a point, freshers make Bristol a silly place. Look at them in their hilarious, awkward groups, having trips to buy bins and other stupidly unrequired items.

Their whole aura of confusion brings with it a sense of positively and excitement. Not only theirs but ours, we want to see them fail, we want to see what stupid things they do. It’s a joy everyone can experience.

Moreover, this exciting and positive atmosphere encourages everyone to ‘tag along’ on freshers week. Even old fogies like me had a night out in good old Bunker.

I guess you could say their happiness is contagious, like chlamydia.

Their opinions

Now nobody is doubting the intellectual capacity of freshers, but their brains and outlooks on life are like little owls – aw look at their cute sheltered faces.

Now while I can acknowledge that there are many things that seem more appealing than a conversation with a fresher, there are a damn site more that are worse, Like chlamydia, mould, and the day you wake up and realise the world is not a happy place but one filled with an endless onslaught of scornful misery.

So by contrast, I’m sure you will agree the ability to talk down and condescend a wide group of people is possibly enthralling, or if any freshers are reading, ‘it’s fun’.

They are new to the world. A common topic of intro lectures is jokes about how to boil an egg. Resultantly, seeing their youthful faces ask nonsensical questions like ‘where is the lecture theatre?’ and ‘can you help my friend, he has collapsed?’ are frankly hilarious.

Their obliviousness to the inescapable concept of time

As discussed above, freshers are like fragile little chicks, small and always seemingly unprepared for the world.

But soon, time comes along and vomits a load of reality into their tiny tiny beaks. This is where the rest of us are at, grumpy and depressed about what is to come. By contrast freshers see this time and fun in their lives lasting forever.

What a refreshing change for the rest of us eh?

Don’t get me wrong I wish I was a fresher again, but the reason I love freshers is not that they are happy, but they are happy FOR NOW – soon time catches up to all of us and most will become as as cyncial as I am, (or at least as cynical as my fictional writing personality is, and if you think this is my genuine opinion, I would look up what satire is).

Watching their obliviousness can be comforting to the rest of us as we know their clock is slowly ticking by and by.

Their sick tunes cuz

Big up da freshers and their badman bacon sound ting.

Their youthful energy 

The presence of freshers always makes Bristol seem lively, walking around at night I feel like I’m watching a nature documentary.

You an almost hear David Attenborough dulcet tones saying:

“It’s just after midnight and something is stirring, its a 1st year, or fresher leaving its burrow to look for a partner. The freshers congregate at socialising grounds widely known in the natural world as Bunker. They engage in the consumption of a wide range of liquids before trying to impress partners with their mating dances.”

“When the ritual is over, they search for sustenance at Jason Donervan, and several of the males fight for dominance.”

“They leave – only to repeat the ritual again, the next night.”