Epigram to introduce page 3 girl

Everyone’s favourite student newspaper Epigram have announced plans to boost sales by introducing a page 3 girl.

Due to a rocky start to 2017 the Bristol SU affiliated newspaper has been forced to think up new ways of selling their humble rag to the student population.

A fortnightly risque picture of a female Bristol student in various sexual poses was reportedly decided upon earlier this week as the best way to get students interested again.

We spoke to Epigram editor in chief Ben Parr to get more on the issue:

“I was on the bus with my thinking cap on desperately trying to think of a solution to our journalistic impotency when it hit me. I had just seen a Tab article on sexist chants at the UWE varsity rugby that included words like ‘tits’ and ‘beer’. Then I realised what people really want – sexual depictions of women.”

The Editor himself

Other members of the 72 strong Epigram Editor team also had things to say.

Johnny Thalassitez, Living Editor: “I’m a big big fan of this. I think it’s going to be huge. We’ve got a lot of potential as a student paper and I think this is the key to unlocking it.”

Stefan Rollneck, Deputy Features Editor in training: “When Ben called me to tell me about his idea I was shocked but then grew to like it. I told him ‘Ben honey you’re a maverick but by God have you got chutzpah ahaha’. I guess we will have to see how it goes.”

Students can apply by sending their photos to [email protected]

Disclaimer: April Fools.