More quotes genuinely overheard in Bristol this term

Living in Bristol, you overhear some absolute gems. Whether it's drunken West Country locals on a night out for the sesh or a first year fresher higher than a kite in the queue for Lakota, the wit and wisdom of the crass and the intoxicated is always worth recording for others to enjoy.

Below you'll find the best quotes overheard in Bristol since the last edition a mere five weeks ago. Peruse through them and enjoy what students at the 76th best university in the world think about love, life, drink and degrees…

Life

“I haven’t had a piece of fruit in so long, honestly think I’m gonna get scurvy or some shit.”

“I’ve been here eight weeks and all I’ve learnt is how to do a rollie and how to chug a pint.”

“My proletarian credentials are so much harder than yours.”

“I wouldn’t have got anywhere without aggressive social climbing.”

“I’ve been wearing brogues since I was 15, brogues or Chelsea boots is all I wear.”

The sesh

“If God didn’t want us to drink he wouldn’t have rhymed fresh with sesh.”

“Honestly there were so many snakes in Lounge last night, like a bloody reptile house.”

“My love for Spoons is the closest thing I have to a relationship right now.”

“It was so packed in there – like the Calais fucking Jungle or something.”

Politics

At Student Council: "You need to decide what's important to you: your SU events or your faith!"

On a political bar crawl: “I always get excited before the Budget.”

On the same political bar crawl: “Yeah, I told her I’d give her a hard Brexit and take her out of the European singles market.”

At a frankly terrible pre-drinks: “Mugabe? More like Mugabye am I right?!”

On the U1 bus: “I’m Jewish I can’t be racist.”

Studies

“Land law can go fuck itself.”

First year historian: “Stalin’s awful, Khrushchev’s alright, he did some shitty things, but the Warden is terrible.”

“You know those fake Oxbridge rejects who get rejected from only one university? Not me, applied twice, got rejected by both Oxford and Cambridge.”

“Applying for a geography degree is just tacitly giving up on life aged 17.”

Sex

One (female) student commenting on her nipple piercing: “Guys see it and they don’t know what to do with it, they try and act all delicate around them, I just want to scream at them ‘PULL ON IT!’”

“I wonder who invented tea bagging?”

“As I say, it’s not gay if it’s a fifteen way.”

On a redoubtable cheerleader: “She’s had so many guys we just call her ‘Easyjet’.”