Bristruths is running for an SU officer role

Senate House ‘will be called ‘Senate House’ in Arial Rounded MT Bold.’

5 years ago

“Bristruths Rory” is running for Union Affairs officer at the SU elections, with voting opening at 9am today.

One minor problem is that nobody knows who the candidate actually is, because in all their election material, they are wearing a mask.

Posted by Bristruths Rory for Union Affairs on Monday, 9 March 2020

Announcing their candidacy on Facebook, Bristruths Rory writes: “Until now. All these years Bristruths has been here… Bristruths has been listening and now… Bristruths has a plan!

“We will implement real, palpable change.”

This “palpable change” would involve putting a slide down Cantock steps and renaming Senate House.

“It will be called ‘Senate House’ in Arial Rounded MT Bold.” Bristruths Rory writes.

Voting is now OPEN bristolsu.org.uk/vote. Vote Bristruths for Union Affairs. A serious campaign, for a serious candidate.

Posted by Bristruths Rory for Union Affairs on Tuesday, 10 March 2020

And of course, no campaign would be complete without a campaign video.

Bristruths Rory

A serious campaign, for a serious candidate.For years now, our supreme leaders at this university have ignored the needs of its people.We have been… exhausted… We have been confused… We’ve been stuck… We have been betrayed… We’ve been humiliated… We have been abandoned… We have been lost…Until now. All these years Bristruths has been here… Bristruths has been listening and now… Bristruths has a plan!We will implement real, palpable change. We will provide string to help students lost in Queens Building to find their way back out into the world. We will rename Senate House as we were previously promised and lied to. It will be called ‘Senate House’ in Arial Rounded MT Bold. We will invest in new and innovative slide based infrastructure, designed by our very own engineering students, to replace Cantock steps. Provide adequate provisions for scaling St Michael's Hill with a brand new, state-of-the-art, chair lift. We will do away with the unfair viva exam for PhD students, measuring their worth instead by their strength, honour and determination in trial by combat. We will divide woodland road into fast and slow lanes to minimise traffic and dangerous collisions. We will provide therapy sessions for therapy dogs after they visit Bristol Students and increase the budget for treats so their wellbeing is looked after and they can continue to do great work. We will fund research into the mental health and wellbeing of University Students and review the recent mental health survey and wellbeing provisions to make absolutely sure that puppies and ice cream really are the best way to completely cure all mental health once and for all.So… From 9am on the 10th March…Vote for Bristruths to be your union affairs officer.A serious campaign, for a serious candidate.

Posted by Bristruths Rory for Union Affairs on Monday, 9 March 2020

The Bristol Tab contacted Bristruths Rory for an Interview, who said: “Ah sorry I only interview for tabloïds or podcasts with lizards.

Rory Bristruths will be running against Julio Mkok, the current Union Affairs Officer, whose policies include launching a UoB app and continuing his work on the Campus Heart.

He’s also got a banging campaign video.

Be Coolio, Re-Elect Julio – Old Town Roadman

VOTING IS NOW OPEN! VOTE JULIO #1 UNION AFFAIRS -www.bristolsu.org.uk/voteI know a number of you have been waiting for this… It's time to drop the music video! 🔥Don't forget to get your vote in – voting closes 9pm Thurs 12th March.LIKE, SHARE & LOVE ❤️#BeCoolioVoteJulio

Posted by Re-Elect Julio #1 For Union Affairs on Tuesday, 10 March 2020

We’re not totally sure how it’s going to work if a popular confession page does get the role of Union Affairs officer, which pays £22,039 per year.

Voting in the SU elections closes at 9pm on March 12.

For more info on all the candidates and how to vote, click here.

Danny Shaw