Unless you’re one of the lucky ones who hasn’t been asked “Omg are you going on the ski trip” by a micro-scarf girlie for the fifth time, you’ll be painfully aware that UBSC FEST 2023 is right around the corner.

In light of this, The Tab has put together an essential guide to ensure you have the most fun that anyone can whilst surrounded by Bristol Uni students.

Do

1. Shag someone on the bus

There really is no greater way to spice up a 20-hour coach journey than to get busy with your neighbour. Not only will it alleviate the inevitable boredom that hits at hour five after your hangover sets in, but it will also provide excellent entertainment for others who can laugh at you for the remaining 15 hours, provided you don’t block the toilets of course.

2. Reward yourself for getting the first lift with a three-hour lunch break

Waking up that early deserves at least two aperols on the mountain. You’re paying in euros so that’s basically fake money anyway.

3. Bring a packed lunch

Unless you live in Wills, we common folk will not be able to splash out on buying lunch every day. Pop down to the Carrefour and get some bread to tide you over.

4. Take loads of pics to make everyone jealous

In case everyone didn’t already know you were on the ski coach based on your hour-long private story, make sure to post some pics of La Folie Douce looking #lit whilst captioning it “pissed a la piste”.

5. Get a free breakfast when your ferry gets cancelled.

Who needs to get to France when you can have a soggy full English whilst crossing the channel? Let’s hope they don’t run out en-route.

Don’t

1. Be a knob

Bristol students have a bad enough reputation as it is, please don’t make it worse. Say your pleases and thank yous and remember some poor souls will actually be in Val Thorens for a pleasant holiday.

2. Get caught smuggling paraphernalia

This one would be a real bummer. How are you going to join mummy and daddy in St Moritz afterwards if you’re detained in Geneva airport?

3. Leave your room a state

You must leave your room immaculate before you leave if you want your deposit back. That means getting on your hands and knees and sweeping up remnants of baguette and baccy. It’s worth it for that 30 quid, though.

3. Agitate the locals

Getting chased down the mountain is not fun. You’ve paid enough for your ski pass so treasure that baby. Maybe even a bonjour every now and again wouldn’t go amiss.

5. Insult the ski committee

They work really hard for those north face coats so a bit of respect please guys. All jokes aside, planning the trip must be a nightmare so I’d rather it be them than me.

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