Young, Hot, and Royal

The wedding of the year is fast approaching. We’ve all stocked up on commemorative mugs, special edition biscuit tins, and royal wedding condoms (just me?) and we’re ready for a big celebration.

For one day only, we will pretend not to be jealous of Kate (call me Catherine) Middleton and her thicker-than-humanly-possible hair. We’ll talk about how lovely her dress looks, and we’ll speculate over what a marvellous queen she’ll make, what with her 2.1 in Art History from St Andrews and her years of practical work experience in the taxing world of accessories buying.

But, when Kate says: “I do,” thousands of girls will have their dreams dashed. However gorgeous her hair is (apparently she’ll be using FOUR hairdressers on the big day), Kate has stolen Wills, and with him, she has shattered our dreams of becoming a real life princess.

Well, fear not ladies, for there really are plenty more fish in the sea. And these fish aren’t balding. Screw you, Middleton.

——————————————-

PRINCE HARRY

Firstly, there’s William’s slightly cooler, better-looking (albeit ginger) younger brother. Now, Harry is the better brother for a number of reasons: he breaks up with that Davy girl almost as often as Suri Cruise changes outfits, so he’s as good as single; he’s not balding; and he’s more fun. Yes, he’s pretty stupid, and his fancy dress costumes aren’t always very PC, but he did all that fighting in the army, and that’s manly. Move over, Wills.

——————————————-

SAM BRANSON

Admittedly, Sam’s not exactly royalty, but his dad’s worth £3 billion, and he owns a spaceship. Plus, he’s beautiful, he owns his own production company, he models, he’s a good cook, he plays jazz, he used to be in a band, and he supports anti-climate change charities. HELLO PERFECT MAN.

——————————————-

CARL PHILLIP

Second in line to the Swedish throne, and a keen graphic designer, this Orlando Bloom lookalike is a great catch. In 2003, he competed in the longest cross-country skiing race in the world (who cares that cross country skiing is essentially shuffling your feet across ice?), and he did some boat-themed army work. Plus, this multi-talented royal designed the cover for a CD of Tchaikovsky’s ballet The Nutcracker, and gave the proceeds to charity. Cultured and charitable. Yum.

——————————————-

MARK ZUCKERBERG

Okay, so he’s neither hot, not royal, but he is young. And he invented Facebook. Zuckerberg was named Time magazine’s person of the year in 2010 for his contribution to social media. Did you know that one out of every dozen people on this planet uses Facebook? Or that last year, 25% of American Internet page views were Facebook? Exactly. He’s a big deal.

——————————————-

PRINCE AMEDEO

Belgium may be the most boring country in the entire world, and Amedeo may only be seventh in line to the throne, but Belgians do know a thing or two about good chocolate. And waffles. And, by the looks of it: producing beautiful royals. What’s more, this Belgian prince is smart: he graduated from LSE in 2008 and is now working for Deloitte in NYC. And just look at his floppy blonde hair…

——————————————-

PRINCE ANDREA CASIRAGHI

This fittie is second in like to the Monégasque throne, and his maternal grandmother was none other than Grace Kelly. That’s cool. He’s regularly papped skateboarding around New York, and he’s fluent in French, English and Italian. Only problem is, he has a gorgeous Brazilian girlfriend … but they’re not engaged yet. There is still hope. Plus, if his uncle dies without an heir, and his mother turns down the job (which it is believed she will), Andrea will inherit the principality of Monaco, and $2 billion.

——————————————-

PRINCE FELIX

Luxemborg may be tiny, but Prince Felix and his brother (below) are heirs to Europe’s second largest fortune: $4 billion. He went to boarding school in Switzerland, and then studied at the European Business School in London. He also did a short stint at Sandhurst, before having to drop out due to a skiing injury. And he’s currently single. Incidentally, Wikipedia tells me that his hobbies are skiing, polo, and carpentry. A classic combo.

——————————————-

GUILLAUME, HEREDITARY DUKE

Felix’s big brother has been linked with the Queen of Norway’s niece, but nothing is official just yet. Who cares that he studied political sciences at Durham – he speaks FIVE languages: English, French, German, Spanish, and Luxembourgish (genuinely a language). Impressive stuff. Like his brother, Guillaume went to boarding school in Switzerland, but unlike Felix he managed to finish his training at Sandhurst. Good boy.

——————————————-

So there you have it: eight eligible bachelors. I always knew my mother’s lifelong subscription to Hello magazine would come in handy. But, have we persuaded you that there are better men than William? Take part in our poll below, and let us know.