Caesarian Sunday: Killjoy Uni chiefs boycott fun

Killjoy uni chiefs are urging students to boycott the long-standing tradition of Caesarian Sunday to avoid damaging Cambridge’s reputation.

Every year thousands of students come together for a pre-exam booze-up on Jesus Green, to initiate new drinking society members, and to settle old scores in a good-natured fight between the Girton Green Monsters and the Jesus Caesarians.

This is about as wild as it gets, folks. So wild.

But now puritan Uni top brass are calling on students to stay away from from Caesarian Sunday on 4th May.

A University spokesman said, “The Colleges will be asking students preferably not to attend but if they do to be considerate of others and avoid any behaviour which may cause offence.”

Colleges are also telling their students to keep indoors. Murray Edwards sent out an email saying, “In previous years, the drunken and anti-social conduct of several students at this event has led to many complaints from members of the public.

“The resultant publicity did serious damage to the reputation of the University as a whole, as well as the two particular Colleges concerned.”

The email added that that there will be a “significant police presence on Jesus Green this year” and that the boys in blue “will act swiftly in cases of anti-social or unlawful behaviour, and will make arrests if necessary.

“All Senior Tutors are being asked to advise their students to stay away from Jesus Green on Sunday 4th May.”

In response, a spokesman of the Girton Green Monsters said “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much.”

At the time of publishing, the Caesarians did not get back to us.

It’s a classic case of spoilsport deans versus fun-loving jocks. Will you be staying indoors like a good little student, or joining in with the festivities down on the Green?