Every Liverpool new academic year resolution you’ve probably already broken

"New year, new me" isn't just a statement reserved for January. We all want this, the academic year of 2018-19, to be our year; the previous nine months were merely practice. However, two weeks after settling back into Smithdown, we may have done some things that may have already tarnished the angelic reputation we're vying for. Let's not hide the humiliation and laugh about what we've done together.

No regrets (or maybe some)

Resolution: to tone down on the amount of seshes you go on

Reality: let's be real, it's pretty easy to be sucked into endless Concert Square (and Heebies…and the Raz…and Baltic Triangle…) nights given the fact you either spent summer broke, in a town where the clubs only contain 40 year old men, or were too busy "finding yourself" in Cambodia. There's no shame in wanting your McCooley's and La'go fix in freshers, but now you're a third year struggling with your workload already, it might be time to actually reply "no" to that 7pm text begging you to go out.

Resolution: stop pretending shots are an economical way to do a night-out

Reality: literally this is never gonna be true, why kid yourself? Are you really only going to spend what you'd normally spend on two double vodkas in Baa Bar? Absolutely fucking not. You've literally eyed up everything on the menu. Even if they don't do fancy things like before, you'll still send yourself into your overdraft for their sweet taste and sweet way of getting you drunk fast. And don't even get me started on CaVa.

Picking out the next poison to try

Resolution: ensure you're on that guest-list for the Cool It events

Reality: Quids In is notorious for being packed. From the gigantic queue to sweating over everyone once you're inside, you can hardly even catch a break in the smoking area. Despite this reputation however, you still decide two hours before the doors open that you're gonna somehow get yourself and 12 others on that guest-list. Jog along, or just wait in the normal queue like the rest of us.

Resolution: quit those bad habits you wish you hadn't picked up at uni

Reality: "yeah I only have a couple of fags when I'm drunk" roughly translates to "I'll be in south campus Tesco all too frequently before lectures buying yet another packet." Puffing away your troubles isn't the only thing you'll be doing, as other habits you may wanna quit include not washing your pots and pans for days (or letting them "soak") and only turning up to lectures in a "Leavers 14" hoodie and joggers despite your wardrobe being filled with River Island and Urban Outfitters. The quicker you try and change your ways, the better you'll feel as a person, right?

Cutting back on Tesco meal deals means more cash for Harper's, hurrah

Resolution: not to blow your student loan on campus food

Reality: who has time before a 9am to make a nutritious yet filling lunch, especially when you haven't been to Aldi in too many days to count? Fuck it, I'll have my third Subway of the week. Suddenly, those £3 lunch deals add up, and you're spending nearly £20 a week on a 'healthy' option that's smothered in mayo and has a cookie on the side. Oh well, students aren't meant to be the smartest with money anyway.

Resolution: find the perfect SJ spot to knuckle down on work at

Reality: that four hour break between lectures isn't gonna be utilised to find the best seat in the Grove Wing with a good Eduroam connection, the perfect amount of noise and near your course material. It's more likely to be spent in the Guild, munching on a burrito as you select your next song on Secret DJ.

Why didn't I get the 86 instead?

Resolution: don't waste time getting annoyed by people on the 699

Reality: you were part of the over-enthusiastic Carnatic tribe not that long ago, so don't get too mad at them for chatting about last night at Block Party whilst you wanna chat about dissertations. And don't get too aggy about the driver giving you weird looks over asking for a MyTicket; at least they're not striking anymore, a dark time in our 2017 lives.

Resolution: not to choose sleep over lectures

Reality: our second favourite burrito after the one provided in the Courtyard is the one we're snuggled up in after a long(-ish) night's sleep, where you've finally made yourself warm in your freezing Smithdown abode. It's so tempting to hit snooze into oblivion, but you will feel better for turning that alarm off and getting down to campus. We can just cosy ourselves back up as soon as it's finished. It's in the student blood to nap, feel no shame.