How to… Spot a frenemy

At secondary school the bitchiness was outright, you knew the cliques and the “popular girls” and although the sisterhood was a far off dream, at least you knew where you stood. Thank goodness we got to uni and grew out of it, right? Or did we?

Is your bestie a real life Regina George?

At university, the cattiness can get more dangerous as we’re all pretending we’re best mates, too mature to be petty or two-faced. But beware students, there’s a meany amongst the ranks. The friend you can’t trust. The friend who makes you feel bad about yourself.

She’s not strictly an enemy, but she’s not exactly a friend either. Introducing The Tab’s guide to how to spot a frenemy.

Beware of the girl who:

This lady is queen of the back handed compliment. ‘Those dresses are perfect for someone with your figure.’ Whether it’s what you’re wearing or what mark you got on your essay, some girls have the uncanny ability to knock your confidence.

This situation usually involves a friend repeatedly asking favours with such a sweet smile that you feel you can’t say no. She expects you to run around after her and you become more PA than BFF.

A true friend is happy when you do well. A frenemy is happy as long as she’s ahead. Instead of a congratulatory hug, any achievement you make will be met with a comment about something similar that she did. But better.

You’re sitting in the Hive on your own when you get a ‘sorry I’m not coming for our coffee’ text. Fine every once in a while but when you’ve re-arranged your catch up three times already that week? This friend is only around when she needs something. Or when there’s nothing better on offer.

‘I thought you wouldn’t mind’. A true friend knows the terms a relationship ended on, how serious things were and if dating your ex is appropriate or not. It’s usually not. But a friend will at least ask you first.

A girl who reveals other people’s secrets to you may well reveal yours to all and sundry. We all love a little gossip, but there’s a line. Keep your cards close to your chest where this girl’s involved.

So what do you do if your friend is acting more like an enemy? Sit down and tell her what she is doing to upset you, she might not realise she’s doing it. We all have bad days, a friend might just be having a mean phase because of stress or insecurity in her own life.

However, if she fails to change, focus on friendships with other people. With deadlines, homesickness and hangovers, university can be tough enough. No one needs a frenemy.