Sex selfies

Okay so, it seems like everybody at the minute is desperate to publicise to the world about their sex life. Whether it’s Kanye and Kim in THAT video, where he “can’t get spunk on the mink.” Or Queen B herself, riding it with her surfboard. Or Jay-Z, who for breakfast, the most important meal of the day, likes to enjoy Beyonce’s breasts.

Tulisa’s career had reached a new low

Unfortunately, it isn’t only celebrities singing catchy songs about their steamy sex sessions. The latest trend on Instagram is the “after-sex” selfie. The craze first emerged as photos of semi-naked couples curled up in bed, smiling at their camera and hash tagged “after-sex”. Okay so good for these people, you got laid. But seriously, do people really need to inform the 200 million Instagram users that they just fucked their boyfriend/girlfriend/random one night stand, like it’s some momentous occasion? And call me an old romantic, but is it not enough for the person you just slept with to see you like that – or do you need the likes to feel truly satisfied?

Joey Essex’s parents just after his conception, realising the seriousness of their actions

However some people have pushed the boundaries even further, and jumped onto the latest bandwagon of uploading “during-sex” selfies. I, personally, have seen a couple of outrageous ones floating around my newsfeed. To be more specific, a wannabe miley cyrus-type celebrating with her boyfriend by giving him a blow job. Then the same girl engaging in some nipple sucking with her more recent girlfriend. I’m sorry, but to me, this screams attention seeking. And honestly, can you be enjoying it that much if you’re on your phone simultaneously? I’m the first to admit that I’m a social media addict, my iPhone is practically an extra limb, but surely if there was a time and a place to be living in the moment – it’s during sex.

‘Christ! I knew they said the Pokémon card society was a laugh, but I NEVER expected this!’

We must remember the exception though – if you manage to pull Bradley Cooper, a sex selfie is most definitely acceptable.