I planned the ultimate Warwick Uni Leamington Spa bar crawl so you don’t have to

As a self-proclaimed bar crawl enthusiast, I’ve taken it upon myself to stop gate-keeping the perfect route in Leamington Spa in the name of journalism. I’ve done this bar crawl path numerous times, from birthday parties to society socials. Designed by yours truly, it’s a carefully curated journey that starts from around Parish church area to the top of the Parade. There aren’t any twists and turns here – just a straight-forward, easy-to-follow crawl.

You get bonus points if, like me, you have a fancy-dress flat party you’re hosting at the end of it. Because what is a successful bar crawl if you’re not parading around Leamington Spa dressed as pop-stars for pres to an even bigger sesh right after?

Stop one: TJ’s

Start at this humble little bar and grill in Central/South Leamington. Order a couple of shots to kick off the crawl. My personal favourites from TJ’s: Tequila Rose shots or the Apple Sours. Or straight up vodka. Talk to a couple of random drunken Leamington donnys as you wait for everyone to get here. It’s all very simple really – a wonderful way to start the crawl because at least you’re heading out of South Leam and into the better part (North).

Stop two: The Old Library

Nothing beats a classic pint at the Old Lib

Ah, the classic Old Lib. When going along this delightful bar crawl, I highly recommend setting rules and playing games at each stop. For example, at the Old Library, the rule here is to order pints only – and lots of them. They have some really good beers and ciders  so definitely make use of that. If you’re feeling peckish, grab a couple of snacks too. Last time I was here though, I had a couple of weird looks from the Old Lib lads because my entire friend group, as mentioned before, came dressed up as pop stars. Harry Styles, Ice Spice, Olivia Rodrigo – you name it. They were all there – it was basically the Grammys down in Central Leam.

Stop three: Co-op

Us at the start of the dreaded boat race

Now it gets a little more intense. Since bar crawls can start to take a toll on your bank account, make sure to save your wallet by heading into Co-op and buying a six-pack of beer or some cocktail cans (they have some good deals, like three for one). Make sure to split the cost amongst yourselves. Now to help you get even more tipsy, head outside onto the lovely streets of Leam and start a classic, Warwick-fashioned boat race – splitting into teams and downing those drinks as fast as you can. Then, crown your winning team. If you weren’t feeling tipsy before, you definitely will now.

Stop four: Spoons

Bonus game: take turns stacking shot glasses until someone messes up

Next stop: Every Warwick student’s comfort place. Spoons. Make use of the cheap(ish) drinks here and keep going. It’s definitely worth noting that this will be the perfect food break opportunity – nothing beats a traditional cheesey garlic bread here to be washed down by your bargain rum and coke. Also, for those of you who, uh, struggle with lightweight-ness, there’s no excuse. Eat now, drink more later. Another game that you might wanna play here is just downing shots tbh (Spoons do some pretty good deals).

Stop five: Tesco Express

Not the cheapest wine but you can always treat yourself guys

This is the part where people really start feeling it. The best bit, in my opinion. Ready for another boat race? If so, head over to the top of the Parade and go into Tesco. Now, forget the beer cans and ciders and cocktail mixes. It’s time for wine. Grab the cheapest bottle of wine, split into your teams and drink it all. First team to finish their bottle of wine wins. Losing team has to do some sort of forfeit – but I’ll let you guys figure that part out.

Stop six: Turtle Bay

Turtle Bay cocktails are the reason I exist

Last but not least, the home of all good things: Cocktail paradise. If you started your bar crawl at around 7:30pm, you should be arriving at your final stop just in time for Turtle Bay’s happy hour (starting at 9:30pm till closing time). At last, you can take a break from the shots at TJ’s, pints from Old Lib, cans from Co-op, mixers from Spoons and wine from Tesco.  Sit back, relax, and reflect upon how much alcohol you’ve just consumed over the two hours. Enjoy Turtle Bay’s stunning two for one cocktails and feel fancy. Except, most people black out at this point. Bonus points if you even remember this part.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• It’s time to argue: Here are five reasons why South Leam is better than North

• The official A-Z of all things that make up a Warwick fresher

• We asked students for Warwick Uni stereotypes, and sadly most of them were true