1) First year is a doss

No really, it just is. In the months ahead you’ll overhear many a second, third and fourth year complaining about “summative season” and how much work they’ve got piling up around them. You’ll see zombies emerging from the library at 9am, having done an all-nighter fuelled by Pro-Plus and the trusty old library vendie to get their essay finished for that morning.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN JOIN IN.

You should be ever so slightly smug that you only need the hallowed 40%, and making the most of it while it lasts. However, you should also be prepared for everyone to constantly remind you of how easy your life is compared to theirs, and that’s because it just is.

Where you belong

2) Nobody has time for your problems

On from this, if you moan about your 20% summative forcing you to actually take out books from the library, don’t be surprised when met with scathing ‘so how much of your actual degree does that equate to?’

Keep the moaning to your Fresher friendship group who will be able to sympathise with how hard 1st year really as, a fact that everyone older than you must have forgotten.

STOP WORKING

3) You’ll have to actually tidy your room next year

Yes, you may hate the words “I’m just coming to get your bins” which you know will introduce 5 minutes of gossip followed by some sarcastic comment once they have left about how much of a state you were. Yes, they may come in to hoover on a Thursday morning when you’re hugely hungover and have to hide the girl you picked up last night.

But, oh dearest fresher, know how lucky you are to have cleaners prepared to tidy up your mess. Next year it will just get worse and worse until the hygienic status of your room actually makes you ill.

Case in point

4) College food might be the best food you eat at Uni

If you’re about as good in the kitchen as Elise Christie is at getting medals in Sochi then now might be the time to start brushing up on your culinary skills. You may moan now about the lack of variety of the college diet, but believe you me, it’s filling and it often involves meat, both areas in which the livers-out diet is often lacking. In any case, soon enough lots and lots of potatoes will be looking better than the cup-a-soups that you’re making everyday next year.

Staple

5) Cut all the college chat

Yes, I know you think college is the best thing in the world at the moment and you never want to leave, but people who aren’t from your college just don’t care. They don’t care that someone jumped through a tree whilst hammered, they don’t care you have formals twice a week, they don’t even care that your college bar has it’s own separate name. So if what you’re going to say has no relevance to the person you’re talking to, just shut up.

June Ball #giveashit?