Aidan’s JCR candidate canned for joke ‘pints for a penny’ pledge

Blinkered uni officials have stopped a joke JCR candidate running – due to his campaign promise to sell pints for a penny.

Oliver Graham stood for the position of JCR president and, as is required, produced a full manifesto. While his manifesto included plans to “rent out the pond as a nuclear fuel reprocessing pool” and to “stop all heating and electricity for postgrads”, it was his pledge for 1p pints that offended uni wrist-slappers.

Graham’s other policies included stopping all electricity and heating for postgraduate students, ordering pizza for formals and changing the name of all future student presidents to “Dan Slavin”.

A university spokesman described Graham’s pledge as “ill-advised” – due to the heavy-handed scrutiny with which Durham student drinking is under. His manifesto was removed from display and his presidential dreams appear to be over.

Graham was keen to stress that his entire manifesto was satirical.

He said: “I am well aware of the seriousness of river safety as an issue for students and the local community and outside of my satirical campaign I would strongly oppose any reduction in the price of alcohol”.

At least he didn’t suggest something as hair-brained as making the riverside paths safer.