Freshers hangover cures: Tried and tested

With thousands of first years preparing to test their bodies to the limit this freshers week, we sampled a few barmy hangover cures to find out how effective they are.

Eggs cracked in to orange juice

Orange juice is packed full of vitamin C and sugar, and sugary foods are a must to eradicate your headache and give you the energy desperately needed to get through the day. The protein from the eggs also fuels the body, which supposedly helps to cure that hangover.

‘If it’s served in a jam jar it’s edgy right?’

Initial verdict: This combination of two foods is vile – it will make you want to vom.

An hour later: Feeling far worse now than before the “cure” – We’re not sure whether it’s the egg which makes you feel ill, or the VKs going down like juice last night.

Four hours later: Abort mission. Back on the booze for round two.

Tab rating: 1/10

Strawberries soaked in tea

This is a take on the Japanese cure-all Umeboshi – but using strawberries rather than plums. The natural sugars in the strawberries act as a sugar rush, supposedly jolting you back to reality, while the green tea helps combat nausea, dehydration and headaches. The combination of the two apparently works wonders. We may have cheated slightly and used strawberry tea but it’s a trivial detail right?

Better than you’d think

Initial verdict: Not as bad as it seems. Providing the tea is sweet, this is actually okay. The dehydration and chronic dry-mouth disappears rapidly.

An hour later: Providing it’s all stayed down, the headache will vanish. And you’ll start to forget you haven’t slept or eaten for a week, which is a good sign.

Four hours later: Normality restored, apart from a slight ickyness which can be expected. You’ll be calling for a milky cup of tea (English) and a heavy dose of Game of Thrones to get you through the rest of the day.

Tab rating: 7/10

Sausages fried in Irn-Bru (in a bread roll)

Presumably the bread from the bap soaks up any remaining alcohol floating around in the inner works. Like the other cures, the sugar from the Irn-Bru kicks away exhaustion. And the stodge from the sausages wakes you up, soaks up alcohol, and quenches the devastating hunger which comes after tucking away Jägerbombs like sweets.

Irn Bru from north of the wall.

Initial verdict: What twisted mind concocted this culinary monstrosity?! The smell makes your stomach churn – meat and fizzy drinks should never coexist on the same plate.

An hour later: The greasiness starts to kick in and does the world of good for your recovery, but it’s impossible to get the taste of sausages dripping in a ridiculously sweet syrup out of your mouth. Don’t even think about drinking the rest of the Irn-Bru, you’ll see it again.

Four hours later: It tastes like someone has poured a mass of oil and fat and grease in to a can of pop, chopped up some bits of meat and forced you to drink it. A lot of water has to be taken on board.

Tab rating: 4/10

Stick to the classic

Overall verdict on these unconventional cures? Stick to the conventional hangover remedies like a big greasy breakfast, a few paracetamol and a day in bed watching Netflix. They’re conventional for a reason and this isn’t worth it.

0/10: Would not recommend.