What your Halloween outfit says about you

October 31st is the time of year when we have a top class excuse to bare metres of flesh and get quite drunk.

The aim is to be as outrageous as possible, whether by dressing up as a sex offender, or donning a naughty Cecil the Lion outfit. Either way, there are ways to lose your friends this year.

Squad goals

Wearing as little as possible

If you look fantastic in your underwear, why not try wearing it instead of clothes for Halloween?

The tribe who gym for weeks before any fancy dress opportunity will wear as little as possible. Or, they’ll just wear some Primark boxers over their trousers. But in the true spirit of Halloween, a pale rig or saggy bum will scare all your mates.

Boys wearing ladies underwear just ran out of options, it’s not genius and nothing is more frightening that an unplanned ball flash.

For girls, a black lace corset is perfect for your Zombie Bunny Girl look. Just team it with some naughty heels and bunny ears (to show you’re in fancy dress, not fancy) and you’re really original and clever for coming up with such a wavy idea.

Don’t be confined by society

Being as offensive as possible

For those who are willing to go the extra mile, whether it’s doing a full DIY job or trawling the deep web for costumes you just can’t find through normal fancy dress channels, the blatantly insensitive look is perfect.

It will probably offend at least a third of your friends, but you’ll get loads of attention from it, so you won’t really care. You’ll conceptualist the idea after about seven pints, and put your heart and soul into a convincing outfit.

Hospital gown and bloodied wrist bandages, Anne Frank, the Twin Towers are all amazing ideas. Especially if you’re a soulless bastard who never wants to be employed.

Come November you’ll ask friends not to put the pictures on the internet as you now realise you’ve been a tit, and you don’t want your mum to find out that you dressed as Hitler for the craic.

(not) Recommended garms.

‘I don’t do costumes’

For edgy types who spend hours putting together the perfect enormous sweatshirt and jeans combos in their day to day lives, there are spooky options for you too.

From these boys you’ll see ‘I don’t do costumes’ t-shirts, or if you’re lucky some skull face paint with a raggy shirt.

The ladies of the zero effort crew can just add ears and/or tail to whatever they’d normally wear for instant fear-factor.

#perfect

Dirty Devil or Sexy Dementor

Halloween also always sees a bevy of girls making a brave effort at staying true to the Hallow-theme, without actually being frightening.

Those wanting to avoid the classic Mean Girls mistake that Cady made, try to take traditional Halloween costumes, and make them cute. Spot vintage vibes in The Dirty Devil or the Kitty Cat, or this year’s top original picks include the Sexy Dementor and the Kinky Troll.

Dutty Devils ftw

The Halloween devotees

The chilly North shouldn’t spoil your Hallowswag. When you’re really devoted to your costume you probably haven’t factored in rain, cold or generally inconvenient weather conditions.

Instead of wrecking your groove by jacketing up, throwback to your middle class childhood, wandering round the village green in your papier mâché pumpkin outfit and freezing but having to bloody well enjoy it anyway because Mummy had spent seven hours elbow deep in newspaper and wallpaper paste.

You won’t be the weak little person who lets adult sensibilities ruin your costume commitment. If you are cold when you’re roaming Durham dressed as a hula girl, feel blessed that even if your leis aren’t keeping you toasty, at least your look is hot.

Those abs could keep me warm…

So whatever you go as this Hallows Eve remember the real meaning of this holiday: regrettable pictures on Facebook and the only acceptable time to shag a bloke in make-up.