It’s time we realised Woking is superior to Guildford

Deep in the heart of the leafiest county in the UK is a town full of life, laughter and take aways. A town, marginalised, discriminated against, and bullied by it’s bigger, more cobbled, brother. A town forgotten, unloved, but with so much love to give.

This town, is Woking.

Woking is constantly forgotten by celebrators of Surrey, and over-shadowed by the, let’s face it, pretentious big name: Guildford. At Uni, when people ask where in Surrey you’re from, they’re bound to say ‘Oh probably near Guildford, am I right?’, ‘No, mate. You are not right. [Near] Woking, and proud.’

Yes, Woking doesn’t have cobbled streets, or a big fuck-off hill as a high street. Monday night Woking, admittedly, isn’t really a thing. There isn’t a Jack Wills, or a Ted Baker, or even an Urban Outfitters. There’s no Castle either.

But the Peacock Centre is our castle. Yes, it is a little run down, and the food court could do with a little updating. But this will happen over time, we’ve already got a Bills, and a Las Iguanas. Soon enough the Peacock Centre will spread it’s feathers, and show Surrey just how majestic it truly is.

All our childhoods are filled with happy memories of birthday parties at the Big Apple. Whether it was bowling, or Laser Quest, the chicken nuggets afterwards were always on point.

H.G. Wells knew what was up too, he didn’t decide to set War of the Worlds in Guildford with massive Alien invaders crushing Casino. No, he chose Woking, because Woking is the perfect setting for a middle-class science grad to narrate. Who knows, if it was written today he might have used a McLaren scientist instead.

What’s more, Woking is like a little taste of London in Surrey. Only 25 minutes straight into London Waterloo, and with trains going every 10 minutes, you may as well be living in Clapham.

The New Victorian Theatre is a well known final stop before the West End, meaning some A-list actors have graced  it’s prestigious stage. You may have seen Katie Price in the panto last year: it was one of the most in-depth, moving, and profound performances you could see from one of the world’s most prolific authors.

What Woking does have, in quantities far more voluminous  than anything the ‘Jewell of Surrey’ has to offer, is character.

Woking is defined by the people, as much as the place. The people of Woking are friendly beyond belief. They will welcome you with open arms. The guys that run the off-license by the station, are genuinely lovely people. Okay, some people aren’t so friendly, but what is that other than character?

Meanwhile, over in the lifeless shell of Guildford, Yummy Mummies are shopping for Harry, and India, steaming up the hills with an air of superiority founded only on the principle that the streets are cobbled.

What they don’t realise is that they’re trapped in a bubble. If they want to be brought back to reality they should hop on the train to Woking, and then they’d see just what they’re missing out on.